Wednesday, June 11, 2014

"How to Train a Parent" - 4 Simple Steps to Encourage the Discouraged Training Parent

 One of the hardest things of parenting is correcting your child. Most parents don't enjoy correcting their child. Some think if I just let it slide, they'll magically obey eventually, right? Don't they know how much they are frustrating their Mom?! Surely they love me enough, they'll obey. Well it doesn't work that way. Unfortunately, we have to correct and train our children on purpose.

You have two options:

1) Your kids will either train you how to obey them on command


2) You can train your child to obey you on command

If you choose the first option, you get out easy. You don't have to discipline or train your child. You give them what they want when they want and let them run your lives. Most parents wouldn't intentionally choose option 1 but a lack of training and discipline will lead to option 1. If you love your child, you will do the work to train them. Don't let those sweet big ole eyes and the quivering lip fool you. They are just trying to train you to do what they want.

Allow me to share with you the past couple of weeks in our home...

I was ready to throw in the towel and just give up on training Jacob. Okay not really, but it seemed like he just wasn't getting it!  I'm sure you all have been there!

Since we are expecting our second child, we have been training Jacob to sleep in his big boy bed for the last two weeks. I can now say, he goes to bed without a fuss and sleeps much better. Praise the Lord!! Well the past two weeks, this little guy has been a stinker. Cranky during the day not obeying and just a handful. I know some of you are thinking how could that sweet wittle boy be bad?! My thoughts too! Maybe because he wasn't getting as much sleep as he used to in his crib. Either way we had some longs days and nights.

If bed time wasn't enough correction, we had to correct him during the day too. It seemed we were in a losing battle with him. I felt like all I ever did all day was correct him. Is it even worth it?! I thought. He just isn't getting it.

Tuesday, I just prayed, Lord please give us a sign that we are making some progress with Jacob. Please give us wisdom in training and raising our son. And Tuesday the little booger seemed back to his normal self! Finally, after two long weeks! He was so great all day and obeyed when we would tell him to do something. It was refreshing to enjoy our little guy all day instead of dreading having to correct him.

It's not easy or enjoyable to correct your child. But the Bible says if we love our child we will correct them. It's the parent who doesn't love their child that doesn't correct them.

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

That may seem harsh but you must understand, to not correct your child or train your child is laziness. It's taking the easy way out. Sometimes I overlook things because I don't want to correct him or I'm too busy at the moment. But I must to be consistent even when it's not convenient for me.

We aren't looking for ways to correct him all the time, but we want to train our son to obey right away. If we are out in a parking lot with a car heading towards him that he doesn't see, I would much rather him come the first time I call him. If he came when he felt like it, it may be too late. Don't wait until it's too late.

The result of training your child is rest and peace. Happy parents, a happy child and a happy home!

Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Proverbs 29:17

Some simple things we do to train our child are as follows:

1. Have training sessions on purpose, don't wait until they disobey to train them
      Allow me to give an example: 
We've been sticking Jacob on a blanket in the living room and telling him to stay. We give him toys but he knows he's not suppose to leave the blanket. This helps train him to know when to stay. When we are outside in the parking lot I want him to be able to stand next to the car if I have to set him down for a minute and not wander off. 

If there is an area in your child's life that needs correcting, train him at home. When you're out in public is not the time to train your child. When Jacob does things that he wouldn't normally do at home out in public we train him at home and hope and pray he is better next time we are out in public. 

2. Be consistent. 
     Consistency is key. If you aren't consistent your child will learn that. If you give in after 5,10,15 minutes of whining your child will learn that. The little boogers catch on quickly. 
If Mom says no the first two times, I just have to ask a third time. If Mom is busy I can get away with it. If Mom says no once she doesn't mean it, only when the spoon comes out is she serious. They don't need a book on how to train a parent to learn these tricks. 

3. Make sure to praise your child when he does what's right or when he's being good.       
     Yesterday, we spoiled him with praise and even got him a little cinnamon roll from Cinnabon.  This is a huge thing to remember. We don't reward him every time he obeys because he should obey without expecting a treat. But we do want to be mindful to know how much he is loved and when he does something good, we tell him! There's always room for us to praise him more! 

4. Make time to play with your children.
    Your children need time with you. Take ten or fifteen minutes throughout your day to stop and play with them. Take them to the park for an hour or involve them in things you are doing.  You may feel like you aren't getting anything done, but you are accomplishing way more than you realize.  When a child knows he/she is loved they will naturally have more of a desire to please you. 

Now these are just a few of the basic things we have learned to do with our son. We aren't perfect by any means and Jacob still has a lot to learn and a long ways to go. But we will answer to the Lord one day for how we raised our children. We pray for wisdom in raising Jacob and our future children. We can't do this on our own, we need the Lord. Remember, there will be good and bad days. There will be times you will have to retrain them on something that you thought they had figured out. Remember they are human just like we are -just smaller. :) 
So may I encourage you young parent or parent to be, keep at it! It may seem like you aren't getting through to your child, but stay consistent. They need you to be consistent. If you let it go now, it will only get harder and worse when they are older. Train them on purpose not just when they disobey. Set aside time to train them. And make time to play with them and praise them when they do good. 
Just as God corrects His children because He loves us, so are we to correct our children. We don't correct them and discipline them because we enjoy it, but to train them for a bigger purpose. That's why pain is necessary. A little spanking now to save their life from the car zipping through the parking lot. 

Hebrews 12:6,7
And when you are discouraged pray. Write down some verses on training your child and be reminded you are doing the right thing for them. Print them out and hang them up in your house or on their door. I have to remind myself of this verse when it gets hard. 
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18
So while there is hope and you still have time, train your child! You will be thankful you did and one day, your child will be thankful too! And remember the end result...

Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Proverbs 29:17